National Orgasm Day


Did the earth move for you on Monday? It should have done. Because 31 July, as everyone surely knows, is National Orgasm Day. Every single staffer at Amorist Towers was in a state of limb-trembling rapture from dawn until dusk. Cries of ecstasy were heard from as far away as Wimbledon Common and the viewing platform of the Shard. Our editor donned deer horns and was last seen leaping around a great fire by moonlight. Oh, alright then: we were actually at our desks, toiling away on the magazine as normal and helping spread our true mission statement: namely that EVERY day is orgasm day, given the right circumstances and significant other. Still, NOD (National Orgasm Day, keep up at the back!) did at least give our friends at MysteryVibe – the cutting edge of teledildonics – the chance to plug their wonderful, flexible Crescendo vibrator. It’s designed for solo and dual usage and our sex-toy reviewer, mother-of-five Clover Stroud, rates it very highly indeed – even if , as one Amorist contributor pointed out , it looks rather like a bright pink Vermicious Knid. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, indulge in a spot of regression and re-read Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. Here at the Amorist we applaud the move away from sex toys that look like pasty plastic willies in favour of something more sculptural. If we want a penis, we generally know where to find one, thank you very much.  According to this month’s theatre reviewer, Shuna Snow, the lights go up on a pleashingly naked Jack O’ Connell in the current West End production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. She writes memorably:  'First things first. "The play cannot work without that incredible sexual charge" says director Benedict Andrews.  Lights up on a wide expanse of space and a sitting man, Brick, played by Jack O’ Connell, picked out in half-light under a flowing shower. My eyes first found his genitals lying against his thigh and then accustomed themselves to his whole naked body in chill, stone-like clarity. He is very beautiful indeed.' It is perhaps little wonder that the entire office have now bought tickets for the production – which also stars the beauteous Sienna Miller

If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast
Woody Allen