The Amorist’s lips are chaffed raw after a marathon celebration of International Kissing Day on 6 July.
Although, in all honesty she never needs any excuse to pucker up and offer her mouth to her best beloved. Kissing is always in fashion in the Amorist’s office and the magazine is planning a smooching special for the September issue. For inspiration the staff have all been watching the famous clip from Alfred Hitchcock’s Notorious where Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman circumvented the Hollywood Production Code (which prohibited kisses that lasted longer than three seconds) by breaking and nuzzling and then locking lips again, and then repeating this over and again, until a revolutionary two and a half minutes of seemingly endless screen kiss was in the can. Although the best bit of kissing dialogue is surely the moment Rhett Butler says to Scarlett O’Hara in the 1939 Gone With the Wind: 'You should be kissed, and often. And by someone who knows how.' Amen to that sentiment.
A couple of years ago the Amorist even presented a Radio Four documentary about smooching entitled 'A Kiss is… Never Just a Kiss.' It transpires there are cultures where plucking out your lover’s eyelashes with your teeth is deemed far sexier than mouth-on-mouth engagement. The Amorist’s producer even made her kiss a total stranger at 10am in a Brighton recording studio, under stage direction from an intimacy specialist. She was totally up for the challenge (as you might imagine) until she saw that her fellow kissee had a beard. She was fully aware the hipster revolution meant (and still means) you cannot move for hirsute males, but she still thinks beards are for minor royals, occultists and dodgy Scoutmasters. She kissed the young man, because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings – never mind the fact she was being paid to. But she still thinks shaving is a good idea before you dance the tongue tango.
Sex robots were back in the news this week when a report from the nattily-named Foundation for Responsible Robots warned the public of the ethical dilemmas that are already upon us. The main caveat seems to be the fear that erotic androids will devalue human intimacy. I suppose the answer to that is: only if they do sex better than your average human lover. The Amorist is a Pollyanna-ish glass-half-full person, so she prefers to look at the news in a positive light. If skilled robot lovers emerge, could they not also be used to give erotic tutorials to those of us who feel inept in the sack? The Amorist is not too proud to admit she’s always open to new love tricks. And if robots can be trained to kiss like Cary Grant or Clark Gable, then she’s first in the queue for her very own sex-bot.
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If ever they invent a vibrator that can open pickle jars, we've had it